Experiment with Test: Karaoke
This really started way back March of 2011 when I went to see a psychic.
Why did I go see a psychic? Well, I didn’t want to file for divorce without some sort of assurance from the Cosmos that I wouldn’t be alone forever. She says I won’t be, but she’s currently batting 70%. We’ll see. But there were a couple canada goose montebello parka women outlet she was right on the money about.
When I sat down at the table in her office, I was expecting a vague reading that could apply to anyone. To say I was skeptical was an understatement, but I was so desperate for some shred of hope to cling to. My prayers weren’t being answered, and no one could make decisions for me. But the first words out of this woman’s mouth were spot on, and hit me right in the gut.
“The word I keep getting for you is perfect, ” she said. “Yes, you’re a perfectionist, but it’s really an obsession for you – the pursuit of perfection. ”
I was shocked.
Sometimes we think we know ourselves, but we don’t know how to put things. That evening – whether it was bullshit or not – a person I had never met verbalized one of my greatest weaknesses when I had never been able to. As such, I’ve been able to be so much more aware of it, and how it effs with me on a daily basis.
For example, when I’m writing, I get really irritated when it doesn’t come out right the first time. How ridiculous is that? Rarely does that ever happen. To ANYONE. But then I re-write, and re-write, and re-write, and then I freak out because it’s still not ready.
Enter my fabulous author friend from Minnesota who – bless his heart – continuously tells me to get my shit together.
“It’s never going to be perfect, ” he says. “There just comes a point when you have to let it go. ”
And he’s right. Even Emily Giffin herself has said she’s found errors in her books after publication. It happens.
So every day, I get up, and I wage a battle against perfection, not unlike others who wage their own battles against canada goose montebello parka women outlet like resistance, procrastination, alcohol, porn…
But those little thoughts pop into my mind when I least expect it:
No, I’m not going on vacation until I weigh 140 pounds – and really, that’s pushing it. It really should be 130.
I can’t hang this painting I made! It’s hideous!
I made a mistake at work. Better start looking for another job.
Yes, I really want to do karaoke, but I really should take some singing lessons first.
Hold the flipping phone.
Who in America feels the need to take actual classes before wailing into a microphone at a bar?
Singing is perhaps my favorite canada goose montebello parka women outlet to do that I suck at, so, when I created the notorious 30 Before 30 list, I just had to put something on there that incorporated it. So, “7. Take singing lessons, and then sing in public. ”
Now, while I secretly wish to like, bring the house down, the heart of the matter was the “lesson” part was more about not looking like a tool than it was preparation for American Idol auditions.
But, Tuesday night, I decided it was time to embrace vulnerability, and just go for it.
No lessons. No practice. No warming up. And – perhaps most shocking – no alcohol.
With some encouragement from my very good friend Lola (yes, she’s a showgirl), I sang A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans. By myself. In front of people.
It was scary, and awesome, but so incredibly fulfilling.
And hella fun.
So fun, that I went again. And again.
When I got up on Wednesday, I was on Cloud 9. I was giddy with the pride that comes from kicking your fear right in the ass and the adrenaline that comes from doing something exhilarating for the first time.
One of my co-workers noticed that I was beaming.
“Did you meet someone? ” she asked.
“No, I did karaoke last night! ”
“Oh you did? How was it? ”